Tuesday, April 19, 2016

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 8, Episode 6

Having said goodbye to Acid "I Reckon I'll Just Do An Impression Of Someone I've Literally Never Seen Before On Snatch Game Because That Seems Like A Sound Idea" Betty, the kimono crew has returned to the Werk Room where Chi Chi is demonstrating her new Derrick Barry voodoo doll:

Well, this explains why she keeps hitting the bottom three. Actually, no, that needed no explanation.

"Acid Betty's gone!" says Kim Chi gleefully, giving a thumbs up, which is an edit that probably would have made sense if anyone still thought Acid was a bitch. But no one does. So Kim Chi looks like a bitch instead. Congratulations, Kim Chi!

"The other queens think that what I do doesn't require any effort, and that's totally not true," sniffs Naomi, fresh from the bottom two.

"I mean, do you KNOW how long it took to find lingerie sets and drapey robes in EVERY colour?"

She's not the only one hurting: Thorgy is fully pissed off about Bob's win on the runway, the 312th consecutive time this season.

Or maybe the second, I dunno, you expect me to pay attention to this crap?

TFW someone asks if you're a Keith Haring mural come to life. AGAIN.

"Thorgy, you're a shithead," retorts Bob.

Going by this photo, that's a pretty accurate burn.

"Have you ever played Jenga? That's Bob. Slowly he's being built up but sooner or later the foundation is going to crumble and he's going to take a big fall," says Robbie.

Other board games Bob is like include Hungry Hungry Hippos:

You have to constantly tap his ass to get him to do anything, and even then he just eats.

Operation:

He makes you recoil when you touch him, and the funny bone is missing.

And Mastermind:

Everyone knows he's actually a bit crap, but the box is so cool we buy it anyway.

Doobly doo music, wavy lines, more doobly doo music... and it's the next day in the Werk Room where OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

WHAT IS THIS SACRILEGE?

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CROSS OUT THE NAME OF A HOLY SIX PACK MEMBER WITH TEXTA, MISS BARRY. YOU WOULD BE FLAYED FOR THIS IN CERTAIN COUNTRIES! (Well actually, doing drag in the first place is likely to get you flayed in certain countries but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.)

Holy six pack, what do you have to say to this?

Snap.

Meanwhile, at Nebraska Tourism:

"Phil... what are 'tweets'? We're suddenly getting a lot of them from men that look like ladies..."

"SEE ALL DUMB READY MADE HEARSES!" yells a producer from behind the shaking canvas wall in what is apparently an ad for this week's sponsor: Fanny's Funny Funerals in Laramie, Wyoming. Fanny's Funny Funerals: For laughs after death!

Sadly for the show's finance department, the only real advertisement they've been able to sell in years is interrupted by a video of RuPaul shrieking from another producer's mobile phone screen, which everyone agrees to pretend is actually a giant TV mounted on the wall.

"Blah blah blah puns about the Wizard of Oz blah blah blah have you ever noticed how often I talk about the Wizard of Oz blah blah blah I think it's really profound which is why I mention it in every interview blah blah blah I bet this segment doesn't end without me saying something about 'peeking behind the curtain' and/or The Matrix blah blah blah," says RuPaul.

Just then a massive thunderclap splits the air with a boom so loud it causes all the queens to drop to the floor, clutching their ears in pain - just like that time a few weeks ago when Derrick sang.

But unlike then, when they could just punch Derrick in the groin to get her to shut up, the booming noises keep coming and coming, and they all soon realise it's not thunder but the Werk Room stereo which has malfunctioned while playing RuPaul's "Peanut Butter" on maximum volume.

Thorgy starts stuffing her dreadlocks into her ears while shrieking "I TOLD YOU THEY'D BE USEFUL ONE DAY MOM", while Kim Chi sits in the corner crying "But I'm allergic to peanuts!".

"Well then, I guess IT'S ME AGAINST THE MUSIC!" shouts Derrick, before charging at the stereo with a pair of pinking shears.

Geddit?

Fortunately for Derrick his certain electrocution is postponed indefinitely when the door at the top of the stairs bursts open to reveal RuPaul, on his way to a fancy dress party with the theme of "Dickens goes to Paris Fashion Week".

Naturally, he is Oliver Twist as dressed by Tom Ford.

Unfortunately the bloke behind him thought they were going as a pantomime cow, and now he has no costume. :(

"Ladies, we have a special guest this week!" chirps RuPaul which, as we all know, on this show could mean anyone from Blondie to the bloke who stocks the vending machines at WOW, so forgive me if I reserve my excitement.

"MARC SNETIKER!" he continues, in a manner that suggests this person is actually famous, as opposed to someone who sounds vaguely like a failed invention from Shark Tank.

YOU KNOW, Marc SNETIKER! Marc! The Snets! That guy!

Marc Snetiker writes for Entertainment Weekly, but you probably know him best as the guy who followed RuPaul through the door on this episode 30 seconds ago.

"Our readers love to read our Drag Race recaps every week," says Mr Snickerdoodle.

Oh they love reading YOUR recaps do they hmm?

And so we get to the entire point of Marked Snackables being on this episode: to say the word "read".

"THE LIBRARY IS OPEN!" declares RuPaul.

IT'S READING CHALLENGE TIME!

* As usual, this week's reading challenge will be judged using the international standard shade measurement of Latrice Royales. 

* First up is Chi Chi: "Thorgy Thor, I love you so much I don't know whether to give you a hug or put some change in your cup!"

"Bob the Drag Queen, you may be from New York but those feet are still from Mississippi."

Solid reading session. At least the first two books of Game of Thrones.

* Next up is Kim Chi, who's a bit weak out of the blocks with "Chi Chi, your drag is just like turkey neck - cheap, and no one wants it,", but finishes strong with "Naomi, your wardrobe reminds me of a legendary Drag Race queen - Nicole Paige Brooks."

Great read! Probably like, the entire Austen sisters canon.

* Moving on to Thorgy who confuses reading with "saying vaguely funny things" and comes out with "Bob, please shut up," and "Derrick you are pretty attractive, I'd hit that baby one more time."

Sub par reading level. Teacher is sending a note home in your school diary.

* Next is Derrick Barry, whose previous comebacks have included "I will... never... cry over you... at all", manages to surprise everyone by being actually quite sharp.

"Naomi, no one knows whether to call you Nay-omi or Neye-omi, but judging by your runway looks no one's going to be calling you at all," she says.

POW! That is a definite War and Peace calibre read right there.

* "Kim Chi, you are stomping for the gods on the runway; I just wish your drag would get raptured," says Robbie Turner.

This says it all.

* "Robbie we know you're a vintage queen, but do you have to smell like mothballs too?" says Naomi.

Lame. In reading terms this is like, 50 Shades of Grey.

* Naomi continues: "Derrick Barry, you say it takes you an hour to do your face, so why does it look like five minutes?"

"DON'T LET THEM SEE YOUR PAIN. DON'T LET THEM SEE YOUR PAIN."

* Finally it's time for Bob, because I guess the producers have decided she's the funniest one or whatever, so here goes:

"It is a known fact that Derrick Barry is not very smart. When she heard Britney Spears she said 'Does she? I prefer fencing'."

A PUN? REALLY GIRL, A PUN?

Fortunately she redeems herself with: "It is very hard to have an intelligent conversation with Derrick Barry. The only thing harder is Robbie Turner's wig lines,"

ENTIRE LIBRARY CONQUERED. READING RESCUE BADGE ACHIEVED.

Unsurprisingly Bob is crowned the winner, although in the end, I think we can all agree the true winner is:

SHADE ITSELF.

Hey Thorgy, how do you feel about Bob winning again?

She's really happy for her.

"You've won jewels worth $1500 from Fierce Drag Jewels!" announces RuPaul, as everyone gasps.

If this is what they look like, Bob better have a ute ready to go because $1500 worth is gonna be a shitload.

Mack Snotlicker quietly lets himself out, having done absolutely nothing of interest in this episode whatsoever, and RuPaul announces the main challenge: pairing up with a dwarf from a reality TV show to recreate a look from the Wizard of Oz.

Meanwhile, inside the Drag Race producers' room...

Here's how I reckon this totally bizarre challenge came about:

PRODUCER 1: So we have to cross promote this dwarf reality show thing somehow.

RUPAUL: The Wizard of Oz!

PRODUCER 2: Could we do like, a fashion challenge of some sort?

RUPAUL: The Wizard of Oz!

PRODUCER 1: Yeah a fashion challenge sounds good. Maybe based on a movie?

RUPAUL: The Wizard of Oz!

PRODUCER 2: Maybe a classic movie?

RUPAUL: GOD DAMMIT I WANT TO SEE MUNCHKINS.

So they all get into pairs and start working out their characters; Naomi's is the Scarecrow, which is perfect for her because she pretty much already looks like she's made out of sticks, and she may not actually have a brain.

"I really want to show the girls that I'm not just a walking bra and panty," she says.

For the sake of childhood memories everywhere, so do we.

Over on the other side of the Werk Room, Robbie Turner seems to have confused the Cowardly Lion with the Clueless Lion.

"So... we're gonna make a cute little dress... or maybe a leotard... or... I dunno," she says.

TFW you realise you totally picked the wrong queen for a fashion challenge.

Given the last time Robbie attempted to make an outfit based on an animal she ended up looking like an exploded marshmallow with dog treats on her tits, today's challenge is probably not going to go so well.

At least Toto's excited.

Meanwhile, Derrick is busy explaining to RuPaul how she's going to create a Tinman costume by glueing stuff to a bathing suit.

Which is a really new and innovative approach for her, so well done Derrick.

Apparently this brilliant idea includes sticking car parts to her partner's shoulders, like a hobo who fell asleep in a junk pile:

Move them down a few inches and you already have a better Madonna costume than half the queens last week.

Suddenly aware that she is about to look a fool on national television, and spying her chance to get off her crappy reality show and into some serious drama, Derrick's partner pipes up with an impromptu one woman performance of Misery:

"YOU DIRTY BIRD."

As everyone backs away slowly from the dwarf with the axe, RuPaul explains the second part of their challenge: choreographing a "dreamy interpretive dance set in a poppy field".

Meanwhile, back in the Drag Race producers' room...

"To ask the question 'do I understand interpretive dance' is like asking 'do I know the entire Pi formula'," says Kim Chi, as if anyone has a hard time believing she doesn't know about pie in all forms.

Everyone starts rehearsing their dances in earnest, little knowing that, in the end, they will be so drastically boring they will be all but edited out of the episode so they probably shouldn't have bothered.

"'Get them to dance,' he said. 'It'll be hilarious,' he said."

One person not dancing, or making a costume, or doing anything really is Chi Chi, who has basically wrapped some blue stretch lurex around her partner and called it a day.

 
This is what Dorothy would have looked like if she'd started working the Yellow Brick Road instead of walking it.

Thorgy, you're up in everyone's business this episode, how does Chi Chi's fla-se-dah attitude make you feel?

If she rolls her eyes any harder her dreads are going to pop out.

On the opposite end of the fla-se-dah scale is Bob, whose outfit has fallen apart with just hours to go to the runway. Not only does she have to construct a whole new costume, she still has to do her own make up and her partner's make up.

Meanwhile:

JENGA!

"Fifteen minutes!" yells the producer, as Bob heads to the make up tables to start putting on her makeup.

OH NO BOB ONLY HAS 15 MINUTES TO PUT HER ENTIRE LOOK TOGETHER WHAT EVER WILL SHE DO?

Oh. Right.

Similarly crunched for time is Naomi, who has had to come to today's challenge straight from a Flintstones fancy dress party at Carson Kressley's house:

It's going to take ages to comb out that Pebbles hairdo.

But enough of all this twattery - we've all run out of time!

IT'S RUNWAY TIME!

* After failing to dress to the Madonna theme on last week's runway, RuPaul continues to signal her monumental lack of interest in this entire endeavour by ignoring this week's theme too:

"Screw you and your Emerald City, it's my show and I'm wearing purple."

* Not so Michelle Visage, who has come as one of Dorothy's ruby slippers:

Or at least, a knock-off one you can buy for $24.99 at the Shoe Shed.

* And please welcome special guest judge Ruby Rhod from The Fifth Element:

Supergreen.

* And please welcome special guest judge Marc Jacobs, wondering what he's doing here:

"Where did it all go wrong?"

* First down the runway is Chi Chi, who is less "Dorothy Gale" and more "Dorothy from accounts who got her skirt caught in the shredder while slamming a beer bong at the office Christmas party":

Girl, you couldn't even do a pair of red shoes? RUBY SLIPPERS, FFS?

* OMG I can't believe Bob put her whole outfit together in 15 minutes!

Oh wait, yes I can.

* Bob is supposed to be Glinda the good witch.

Just a reminder, this is Glinda:

Nailed it.

In a nutshell, Bob looks more like the witch that got the house dropped on her than Glinda.

* Naomi takes exceptionally well to portraying a person made out of hay, despite not having eaten carbs since 1998:

Scarecrows are paleo, right?

* Having tried desperately to come up with something more avant-garde than a swimsuit with things stuck to it, Derrick Barry comes out wearing a swimsuit with avant-garde things stuck to it. Like dildoes, on the shoulders:

It's like Jessica Simpson got caught up in her grandma's kitchen curtains while on the way to Sexpo.

* Moving on to Robbie, whose creative process for the Cowardly Lion clearly went like this: "A cute little dress? A leotard? Kim Chi's outfit from episode one."

OMG wigs on the shoulders? That's so original!

* Next up is Thorgy, doing her best impression of Laganja Estranja:

"It's the horse of a different colour, OKURR 420!"

* Suddenly the sets shake, the lights flicker, and out walks...

ENJOY YOUR NIGHTMARES, KIDS.

Actually it's Kim Chi holding her little partner in the air to create a scary Wicked Witch of the East, a spectacular illusion that is wrecked as soon as she tries to put her down gracefully and looks more like a delivery man dropping a sack of potatoes.

* Her outfits are pretty hot though, even if they do look like rent-a-mourners at Tim Burton's funeral:

I have nothing bad to say about this. That's not very funny I know, but. Well, they look awesome.

* Next up is the interpretive dance presentation.

Here are three things more entertaining than the interpretive dance presentation:







Now let's never speak of this again.

* Marc Jacobs tells Chi Chi he likes her. La Visage tells her she needs bigger boobs. At no stage does anyone mention that she looks like a street walker who got attacked by wild dogs.

* "I could get what you're wearing in a mall," Ross Mathews snips at Bob.

"I guess I felt like that's what the challenge was," says Bob, who clearly has a very different understanding of "Wizard of Oz Couture" than I do.

"Hey I only had 15 minutes to get ready, OK? Usually I take at least 20."

* Michelle Visage tells Derrick her outfit looks "so home made in the worst way", prompting Derrick to explain that she's "not a seamstress".

It's OK, we figured that out.

* "You're just giving me a bathing suit with something wrapped around your waist again, and putting two horse penises on your shoulders doesn't change it," Michelle snaps at Derrick.

"Seriously, what kind of idiot would wear something so stupid on their shoulders?"

* "I literally don't even know what to make out of what you're wearing," La Visage tells Robbie, which is coincidentally the same problem Robbie had.

* Michelle Visage goes on to read Robbie's hideous hairline for the 350th time this season for looking like her wig is trying to escape her head.

"I guess I'm a little bit more old school," Robbie says, by way of explanation.

This is a definition of "old school" I was previously unaware of.

* Ross tells Thorgy her look isn't memorable enough, and complains that he won't remember it three weeks from now when driving in traffic.

To be fair though, this is what Ross is usually thinking about in traffic.

* Nobody mentions Chi Chi's total lack of ruby slippers. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD YOU NOT WEAR RUBY SLIPPERS?

* RuPaul asks which of the queens should be sent home tonight, and half the group says Derrick, including Derrick, who hasn't been listening and thinks they're doing a lunch order.

The other half says Chi Chi, on the basis that she hot glued her outfit together instead of sewing.

Yeah, because sewing always produces superior results.

* "There's a lot of hot glue going on at fashion shows, even at the Met ball - but I won't name names," says Marc Jacobs.

It's OK Marc, you don't have to.

* RuPaul accidentally calls Derrick Britney, and it's the best compliment she's ever received.

On the flipside, it's the worst burn Britney's ever had.

* Then this happens:

Which might be a contender for best thing ever to happen on the judging panel.

There's some more deliberation and the queens return from the backstage lounge which, after failing to pick up a luxury alcohol brand sponsor for a third year running this week is sponsored by Lifetime TV. Lifetime TV: We're more than just crappy daytime biopics about royals and dead celebrities, we have shows with dwarves too!

In a decision that surprises absolutely no one Naomi Smalls is crowned the night's winner, and receives a slew of glittering prizes including a can of Rexona with a broken spray button, a 10 per cent off voucher for Olive Garden (valid Mondays 5pm to 6pm only) and a Tiffany bracelet. No sorry, Tiffany's bracelet - it's plastic, with "Tiffany" written on it in puff paint. Congratulations, Naomi!

Thorgy, Bob, Chi Chi and Kim Chi are all sent back to the safe zone, and with the exception of Naomi and Kim Chi it looks like a police line-up for fashion crimes. Is this one of the worst runways ever? I mean, is it?

Not that it's any better out the front, where Derrick "Sure This Shower Curtain Material Says Tinman Why Not" Barry and Robbie "I'll Just Copy What Kim Chi Did That Time But Worse" Turner are about to go head to head in a totally on-theme lip sync to... Icona Pop's "I Love It".

Right.

I mean, I don't know why I was so upset about Chi Chi's lack of ruby slippers; clearly no one else gives a stuff about tonight's theme.

And so it begins, with Derrick looking like Britney on a bender and Robbie looking like her hired chaperone.

"I CRASHED MY CAR INTO THE BRIDGE, I DON'T CARE!" Derrick and Robbie both sing, a lyric which is more reflective of both of their looks than the Wizard of Oz was.

This picture pretty much sums up tonight's lip sync.

In a desperate attempt to outshine Derrick's flipping and somersaulting and handstanding, Robbie rips her wig off and flings it to the side.

While this improves her hairline significantly, she fails to obey the number one runway rule: don't take off your wig unless you're wearing another one underneath.

She also fails to obey runway rule number two: don't put your wig back on when you've just swiffered the floor with it, or you'll look like that crazy lady from the bus.

As Derrick breaks into another backwards-somersault-handstand, Robbie has nothing to do but stumble around without a wig on like a cancer patient looking for her medication.

Unsurprisingly this doesn't impress RuPaul, and Robbie is told to sashay away.

It's such a sad moment for Robbie, so fortunately Derrick is on hand to make it all about her.

"OH NO NOW I'LL RUST."

Well that's it for this episode - better move on and READ EPISODE SEVEN. Or go back in time and READ EPISODE FIVE again!



25 comments :

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Just a note, they didn't come for the ruby slippers because the runway was based on the book and not the movie. Chi Chi looks like a secondhand carwash nevertheless

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    1. Exactly, in the book her shoes are silver.

      Regarding Glinda (from Wikipedia) -- "In the books, Glinda is depicted as a beautiful young woman with long, rich red hair and blue eyes, wearing a pure white dress."

      The fact it's based on the books is also why Derrick's character was the "Tin Woodman" rather than "Tin Man," and why Thorgy and her partner wore the green glasses. (I don't think Glinda has glasses, so I don't get why Bob added those to their looks.)

      It's too bad Derrick didn't get Glinda (from the Oz Wikia): "Her attire and elegant wardrobe consist of the finest fabrics such as silk, satin or velvet with richly embroidered hems." We know Derrick's all about them hems.

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    2. This is a good explanation. But I think it's kind of ridiculous to do a Wizard of Oz challenge when you can't use any of the most recognisable features of the Wizard of Oz. Yes yes, it's the book, not the movie, but I mean come on. Right?

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    3. I imagine it was a copyright thing. The book is public domain but the movie version is not, and Logo is bizarrely unwilling to throw money at the only show people watch on their channel

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    4. @petstarr honey, the ruby sleepers were created by Joe Napoi exclusively for the film. They are so copyrighted Rupaul can't even say the name on television.
      To be fair ChiChi did an Ok job wearing silver sleepers as in the book.

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    5. @unknown honey, I know. Literally everyone has told me this by now.

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    6. Also, if I were a black queen doing Dorothy, I'd definitely go for the Diana Ross version rather than the Judy Garland version, and Diana Ross definitely had silver slippers.

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  3. MARKED SNACKABLES
    I AM DEAD

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  4. As Mar Ci mentioned there was no mention of the ruby slippers because in the book the slippers are actually silver (it's supposed to be some allegory about silver and gold, economics and depression in USA). I read somewhere that the show had to avoid any reference to the movie because of copyright issues and that's why they didn't even mentioned "ruby slippers" or any other reference from the movie.

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  5. Not sure if this was done tongue-in-cheek or not, but please don't call them dwarves. They are "little women". :)

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    1. Oh no! Please don't say that word is offensive! I especially looked it up to check and all the resources I found said "dwarf" is accepted alongside "little person".

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    2. most little people I know (yes, I do know a few)do not like to be referred to as dwarf or midget due to the offensive way some people use those terms.

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  6. I check back every day after the episode has aired to read your recap. Brilliant. The best thing about watching RPDR. Thank you and keep going!

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  7. Love it ����
    Spot on every week! Xx

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  8. Awesome recap, thank you!! I look forward to them every week.

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  9. Totally agree that the thumbs up moment unfortunately made Kim Chi seem like the bitchy one for a second. For me Acid had a few obnoxious moments in Untucked but otherwise never really came across as a true bitch at all. Her comments in her final episode and especially her Whatcha Packin' episode actually made me really empathise with her. She just seems like a loner/outsider who has never really figured out how to gel with larger groups and even feels somehow different in a community that is all about celebrating different. I dunno, I kinda found her bizarrely endearing in the end. I just wish she hadn't done stuff like complaining about Trixie's makeup whilst Kim Chi was trying to listen to her cause that did her no favours.

    I was disappointed in Chi Chi as I love her sass and I normally love her style too. She really could have done more although her look was definitely still better than Derrick or Robbie's. I don't really know what Robbie was thinking as she started so strong. It's a shame.

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  10. Bob said she thought the point of the challenge was to makeover the guest

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    1. Yeah but we all know that was a lie, right?

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  11. Yay! you made a birthday post for me

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  12. I just recently discovered your blog, and I had to binge-read all of the RPDR recaps (I even read some of other shows I don’t watch, you’re that good). It took me a couple of days and then I had withdrawal. Your humor, wit, references, shade, make your narrative so terrific that I don’t mind they come late. Well, I just have to check a few times a day everyday after the episode :-S. It probably takes A LOT of work, so thanks! Cheers from Mexico. (I would’ve loved to know about your blog when I lived in Aussie.)

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  13. Bob was so lucky that most of the other looks also sucked. Her little woman was very Glinda, but her look was very Project Runway repurposed bridal gown challenge. If Robbie and Derrick hadn't put in such atrociously hideous looks, she might have been in trouble.

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  14. I learned why Derrick's shirt said Nebraska, remember season 5 when Alaska made over that one dude? Well he's still doing drag as Nebraska thunderfuck. He is also Derrick's boyfriend

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  15. Hey, thanks for the awesome recap as per use! Just one thing though: I think you mean the Brontë sisters :)

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